if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
