I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
