im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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