my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
