Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
