We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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