Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
we're so committed to being not committed
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