So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
