He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
