I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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