Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
