Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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