Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
