We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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