I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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