I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize