all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
