I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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