Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
