the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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