well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
