Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
