Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
