I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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