She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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