The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
