your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
