Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
