yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
