Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize