I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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