He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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