Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm both gender and math confused
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
