watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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