You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
