Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
