Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
high people should be assigned attendants
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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