Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
