Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i believe in u and ur pee
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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