Walk of Shame. In a state park.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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