I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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