omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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