I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
