meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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