I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
