I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
