I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
