I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
