we're chasing vodka with high fives
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Randomize
