Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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