I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
