alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize