Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
