I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
