I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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