Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
