take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
