When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize