I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
