Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Two words: nipple clamps
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