Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
