You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
