oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
