All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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