I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
