her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
