That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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