That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
