Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
