Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
