please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
