I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize