I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
